The Rabbit Hole
by Poe's Heir
Summary: What if Kagome's flights to the past was all a delusion of a strange mental illness? Read on....
1. Mother

"Mom?"  
  
My daughter's sharp, energetic voice shocked me almost out of my chair: I dropped my book onto the table noisily and clapped a hand over my heart in shock.  
  
"Oh, Kagome, please don't do that to me when I'm reading," I breathed, a little shaken. Reaching for my tea again with an unsteady hand, I kept my sights enamored on the delicate face in front of me. There was something wrong with this moment, it was just going to take a moment to decide what it was.  
  
"Mom? Are. . . are you okay?" Kagome asked tentatively. She put a hand to my forehead, then to my cheek. Stepped back to look into my face while I just stared back at her. "You don't look all that well," she tutted, then turned and kneeled down to heave an enormous bag onto her back. "Well, I just wanted to tell you I'm off, Inuyasha wanted me back in the Feudal Era as soon as I could. Apparently he and the others got another rumor about another Jewel shard. . ." she walked off to the back door and pulled open the door, waving slightly to me over her shoulder, giving me a small smile. "Try and do something about your cold or whatever it is while I'm gone?"  
  
"I will," I said softly to her, returning the smile weakly.  
  
She gave me one more grin before climbing out the door and sliding it shut behind her. Not wanting to just lose her like this again, I stood suddenly and strode over to the window adjacent to the door. I pulled back the blinds with one hand as the other grasped the mug of tea like my very lifeline. . . and as I watched her leap so eagerly, so weightlessly into that well. . . I couldn't help but let a shuddering sob fall.  
  
If only for one day, I wish I could actually understand my daughter's delirium.  
  
Her behavior is just so strange. It feels like it always has been. . . at least since her fifteenth birthday, back almost three years ago now. And that feels like it's been forever. But still, I don't know what kind of a strange birthday present she had gotten that day. Maybe there had been a strange substance in something special she had eaten, or drunken. . . maybe she had really, really loved that jewel her grandfather had given her and really had been deeply traumatized when she had broken it when she had fallen down that well. What do I know, maybe she hit her head on something when she had fallen in. The point is, I'm not a doctor, and I'll never know just what had done it. But it happened, and there was nothing I could do about it. And it's been happening again, and again, and again.  
  
I choked on another sob, digging a fist into my tightly closed mouth to suppress it. I couldn't stop a tear from falling, though. Or the next, or the next. Three tears for my Kagome. Added to the several thousand that had already fallen, collected in my heart.  
  
My poor Kagome. How I miss her.  
  
We only get to see her about once a week anymore, sometimes once a month. It's always so quiet around the house whenever she's "away." Dad mostly just bobs around the kitchen, busying himself with cooking or cleaning, mostly reading the daily paper or just sitting there, drumming his fingers distractedly on a table while staring angrily into space. He volunteers to go get her from the well almost as much as Souta does. "For the love of God, Dierdra, just go out and pluck her out of there. If you don't, I'd be more than happy to," he'd tell me sharply about once a day. I'd usually be able to beat down his statement with a well-placed stare of stone.  
  
"Dad, please," I'd say emotionlessly. "It's where she wants to be. She's happy down there, and I don't know what else to do. She'll come out whenever she's ready, okay?"  
  
"She just sits down there, muttering, doesn't she?" he'd say, cocking an eyebrow at me. "All she does in there is make up these crazy stories of hers. A boy who's half a dog. . . a girl with a life-size boomerang. . . some ancient quest for that jewel she'd crushed down there. . . it's all very entertaining, Dee, maybe it is kind of cute. But it's not funny. It's not normal. She needs help, and you know she does."  
  
"I kind of wish that dog-guy had really been here all those times. . . that would have been kind of cool," Souta had muttered, obviously on his grandfather's side with that argument.  
  
I rose back to the present dropped my head onto the window, already succumbing to the panging sobs. It really would be strange to get a peek inside her psyche sometimes. To see all those creatures and people she talks about. . . to actively believe that they're really all down there, instead of playing along all too enthusiastically. It might be nice, actually. Such a huge, fantastical hiatus from the world. . . perfectly fantastical, that is, if it didn't involve her state of mind.  
  
I've seen her down there. I'll just say it, once and for all. I saw her once, and I never want to see her like that again. It wasn't even that good of a look, actually, I mused bitterly as I stared at the tightly sealed shrine doors. I had been watering the plants outside, trying not to think about Kagome, when I heard her cry out feebly from down in that well. I didn't stop to think, to consider what I might see. . . I just ran into that shrine, threw myself down the stairs, pulled the light down so I could see her down there. And there she was. Balled up in a corner. Eyes bulged open, the whites all but disappeared from the growth of her pupils. Her teeth were chattering, her face was red and drawn. She was shivering violently, even though it had been summer that day. Eighty degrees and muggy as anything. And she just stared up at me. . . stared blindly up and through me. She was entirely lost in the Feudal Era of her bottomless imagination.  
  
"Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Just don't think about it," I chided myself quietly. I turned away from the window slowly, eyes fixed on nothing, as I ambled back over to the table. With a sigh, I dropped down into my chair: hopefully I'd find it in me this time to get back into to my book. However, Souta made sure such a thing was perfectly impossible as he came tramping into the room.  
  
"Hey, Mom?"  
  
"Yes, sweetie."  
  
He glanced at me apologetically, seeming to consider retracting his question before it had even been asked. I smiled down at him, summoning all the warmth and patience and love into my face as I could.  
  
"I'm okay, Souta. It's okay. What did you want to ask me?"  
  
"I, uh, I was just wondering if you knew where my soccer ball was," he said dully, eyes on ground. His apologetic manner made my heart just a little more sore. . . I didn't want to see another of my children suffer any more than he had to. "I found it in the front yard this morning, hon. I put it in your room, I think on your bed."  
  
His face brightened a little, just not enough to allow him to smile. "Oh- okay, thanks." He began to trot over to the staircase so I could continue my thoughts, but his sudden re-entrance to the room probably took us both by surprise.  
  
"Um. . . Mom?"  
  
This time, I almost laughed this time at his timid, near guilty disposition. "You have my attention, Souta," I responded, resting a cheek on a hand to view him properly as his climbed up into a chair opposite me. He sighed noisily before continuing his thought.  
  
"Listen, Mom. . . I'm getting a little nervous about. . . Kagome," he said carefully. I fought to keep my face from changing into one that looked stern or angered by his statement, so that he would continue.  
  
Thankfully, he did. "I mean. . . she left just now, didn't she? She went to sit in the well," he went on, determined not to look at me. . . even though I was staring concernedly at him. "Anyway. . . she needs help, me and Grandpa have both told you that like a million times, and this time I'm getting really worried," he said, his voice beginning to crack under a tiny sob. I put an arm around him, heart aching with his.  
  
"It's because of her arm from last time, isn't it," I murmured in his ear, fighting down another memory of her rubbing at the three scratch wounds running down her left arm. . . or the memory of her laughing and saying it was just a slight brush with a mean youkai.  
  
I could tell Souta was recalling the same bothersome fragments as he nodded into my shoulder. "You promised," he said quietly into my upper arm.  
  
My brow creased in confusion. "I promised what?" I responded in an even lower voice, running a hand through is messy hair.  
  
"You promised. . . you promised last month that after she came back after she actually did something to herself that was really bad that you'd take her somewhere. You promised, remember?"  
  
I fought to string the jumbled words together, then frowned in aggravation with myself. "Yes, I remember promising that," I said, pulling my son just a little closer for comfort. "And you're right. She's started hurting herself now. We can't just leave her down there anymore." I felt Souta shake his head in agreement as he buried his face in my shoulder. But it still took a moment and a painfully shuddering breath before continuing.  
  
"It's just that. . . I can't help but think that she's happier down there," I said bemusedly. "She's always so eager. . . eager to get back there. . . to see Inuyasha, or Shippou, or Sango, or. . . ."  
  
"Or Miroku, or Kaede," Souta continued with a small laugh. I guess I wasn't the only one to hang onto all of her stories. "I know, I know, I've thought about that too," He stood and brushed his face free of any unseen tears he'd let fall. "But I mean. . . if there's both good guys and bad guys in her imagination. . . then one day, the good guy is gonna loose," he muttered, turning back to me. "She's gonna hurt herself down there. She's gonna think it was a youkai again."  
  
"I know. I've considered that too. . ." I settled back in the chair, fiddling with the pages of my book like a child who didn't want to look at her punisher. "Okay, Souta, you win," I said weakly as I felt. "The next time she comes out of that well, and not a moment sooner," I said, suddenly sterner to him- "then I will personally taker her to a specialist. I promised you."  
  
Souta nodded, satisfied for what seemed like the first time in years. "It's all gonna be okay," we said simultaneously. I smirked at him.  
  
"Who's the parent here, Souta?"  
  
He smirked in return. "You are Mom," he said, granting me a small hug.  
  
"Yes. . . and I can assure you, it will all be okay," I said, letting him go. He grinned over his shoulder one more time, then disappeared around the corner to return to his room. I, on the other hand, returned to my tea and my book. It was strange, but some parts of this situation were almost welcome. I'd never felt this close to my son, he'd never been so open to me. But even if it brought us close enough to keep him friendly all the way through his teens, even, I would never recommend the situation. As you can probably see.  
  
Okay, that's chapter one. Hope you enjoyed and that you'll review! I'll warn you of one thing, though. . . I update incredibly slowly. Just bare with me in case it's a while before you see the next chapter of this.  
  
Well, thanks for reading! Cheers! 


	2. Kagome

You never know quite what to expect when you travel time. It's always going to be just a little different.

Like today, for instance. Today, I could honestly say I was feeling no regrets. The weather was absolutely beautiful: as I opened my window and craned my head out a bit to taste the air. . . it finally tasted sweet, after all these months. It was enticingly warm and new feeling, tiny flowers blossoming on the trees, and bushes, and vines. . . . the Earth seeming to have finally broken free of its protective shell for the winter and was now finally alive again. Thankfully, since the feudal era was pretty much a mirror image of today, it was going to be sunny and warm back with Inuyasha and the others, too. As I said, no regrets. No regrets about missing school for shard hunting, no regrets about missing chores and house-hold duties for shard-hunting. The day was just too beautiful. I didn't want to waste one more minute of it.

Besides. . . I wasn't about to stick around at home for too long anyway, Inuyasha had made sure of it during my last trip. Apparently he feels that Naraku has been gaining in power and in jewel shards, that our task of shard collection was drawing to a close. . . or something like that. Whatever it had been, exactly, it had sounded pretty desperate- I'd already made plans to stay for just one weekend. No more, no less.

All right, so I did have a couple things to worry about before breezing out the door. I'd kind of regretted having to leave that particular morning. I mean, just waking up and realizing I'd overslept was going to put a damper on the day. . . rushing around to cram everything I'd need into the bag just worsened the situation. Personally, I hated having to rush in the morning. Half-brushing hair, half-eating breakfast, half-brushing teeth and dressing in the first old thing I saw, I mean. But I knew it would be worth it. It always was.

I also found myself regretting leaving my mother behind like that, too. I didn't get a great chance to see her, but she looked kind of far-away. Like something was really bothering her, almost like she was coming down with something. Shouldn't I at least be around for her when she's in a state like that? It's not like I don't feel bad about being away from the family to shard hunt. I almost never see them anymore, and I know they worry about me sometimes. Probably about the dangers of such a violent age, full of evil and war and the like. The thing is. . . while I appreciate their concern, they really don't have anything- well, they don't have much- to worry about. Compared to some of the horrors Inuyasha endured sometimes, those three scratches on my arm a couple weeks ago were nothing. Even so, it's probably one of the things that's starting to get to my mom. . . maybe I'll see if I can come home a little early this time. Hopefully unscathed, but let's not ask for miracles.

In any case, I wasn't about to let those worries (though plausibly bothersome) ruin my time in the Feudal Era. Even if I chided myself for considering it sometimes, I had to accept it. The Feudal Era was my new home; I loved it there. So I hurried out of my house and into the shrine. The Feudal Era was where I belonged. . . all my true friends waited for me there. So I leapt over the ledge and into the well. As per usual, the explosion of dancing light and the rush of air, space and time dragged me down while leaving my breath far behind. I could help but gasp in familiar enchantment. . . just as I touched down lightly to the bottom of the well. Brushing a stray lock of hair out of my face, I stood and reached for the ladder.

"Kagome?"

A grin strung itself across my face as Shippou's tinny voice shivered its way down the well. I climbed just a little faster to reach my smallest comrade.

"Kagome! It is you!" Wide, kitsune eyes and an even wider smile greeted me as I pulled myself over the ledge. Before I could even say a hello, Shippou had launched himself at me.

"Where have you been? Taking more exams? How come you were gone so long this time, Kagome?" The ball of fur attached to my shoulder inquired in a rush. All I could do was give a short laugh and squeeze the kitsune back briefly.

"No, this time I had to go back for a friend's birthday party, then I had to get in some more studying." I resituated Shippou before he started actually digging into my arm. "And do you really think I was gone that long? It was just a long weekend. . ."

"Well, somebody sure made it seem too long." Shippou glanced over his shoulder, looking peeved at whatever he saw. I followed his gaze, over the hill and just barely into the forest. . . only to suffer that familiar flutter in the pit of my stomach and sudden heat in my face.

Inuyasha was skulking out of the forest, seeming to simply be wandering until he was caught unawares by Shippou and me. Even from that distance, I knew we locked eyes for just a second . . . before I looked away for an instant and before he started jogging towards us. Crimson robes billowing out behind him. Hair swishing this way and that. Face so intense, no matter how unclear it was. Build at the perfect equilibrium between muscular and slim. . . .

I mentally slapped myself in the face, letting my gaze slide back to a closer neutral point. I had to stop doing this, stop admiring from afar. Literally, this time. I mean, if Shippou didn't already have a clue what was going on, I probably would have appeared pretty strange to him. But I'm pretty sure he already knew; Sango already knew, and it had surely been the first correct assumption Miroku, for one, had ever made. He'd probably known it even before I had, but that's not the point.

I was in love with Inuyasha.

"Well, you're late again, wench." I jerked my face up to see Inuyasha jog into place beside us, scowling in his trade-mark annoyance. I rolled my eyes inwardly. Yes, I was in love with him. Even if that was a little shameful sometimes. He was just such a big, dumb jerk when he wanted to be. Now, being a good example.

"Actually, Inuyasha. . . if I recall the date we'd decided upon, and what day that had been. . . well, I'm right on time," I huffed, raising and eyebrow but retaining emotionless dignity. He growled softly, growing steadily angrier. So I returned to my argument before things got noisy.

"Look, I left on Friday, remember?" I stated as he turned on heel away from me. "I told you it was Friday. And then you said I had three days to get back here. And today's Monday, so I kept my promise. Friday, Saturday, Sunday."

"And what the hell's any of that supposed to mean?" he roared, whipping around to scowl at me. "Fry--- Sat--- you're just making up stuff to sound like you're right!"

I was about to interject, but Shippou did so for me. "I counted, Inuyasha. It's been three moons since she left, and you know it. Or maybe you've just been moping so much that you lost track of it."

Inuyasha's face flushed in embarrassment and anger. "You're going to regret that, you-" He leapt at the frightened kitsune, claws flexed at the ready. Not a second too soon, I dropped the squealing Shippou so he could scamper to safety, then shielded him from Inuyasha with a quick side-step and a stern stare.

"Don't get him involved, Inuyasha. He's just a kid."

"Keh," he muttered with a grimace, rounding on me in turn. He gnawed his angry eyes into mine, fighting to find a retort for me. We both lost track of the argument for a moment. I hated to admit it, but God, those were beautiful eyes. . . amazingly expressive, though now so fiery. . . beautiful, melted amber hue. . . I noticed his expression began to melt as he obviously detected the love in my eyes. I looked away quickly. Well, so much for keeping it well-hidden.

"So, we're okay now?" I asked tentatively, stepping away to lean on the well. "I'm here now. No need to get all weird on me." I peered at him. "Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." I was slightly comforted to know he felt just as awkward as I did with this moment. "Look, Kagome, I-" Without warning, he cut himself off. In a flash, Inuyasha's expression plummeted into one of horror and concentration. His nose twitched as he, apparently, fought to pick up a scent.

I peered at him uncertainly. "I-Inuyasha, what are you-" He cut me off with a sweep of his hand. Face tensed, he whipped around towards the distant forest, searching this way and that for a scent. I felt pretty on-edge myself: this ritual of sorts was always so dramatic and pain-staking, I couldn't help it. He took one final sniff before winging around to face me for a second, his face more intense than ever.

"There's youkai close. Real close. And loads of them. So come on, we don't have any time to lose." He turned his back to me and bent over slightly- so, as per usual, I leapt up onto him and secured my arms around his shoulders. But for some reason, Inuyasha remained stooped for a second more before whipping around and giving me an incredibly irritated look. Normally this would intimidate me enough to step away, but frankly, I was a little shocked to find myself face to face to the hanyou with my arms locked around him. Too bad he shoved me away just a split second later.

"Wench, what do you think you're doing?" He erupted, stooping again to- I gulped- finish unsheathing the Tetsusaiga and turn back to the trees. I felt myself blushing. What kind of an idiot was I? He'd already made it pretty clear there was no time for something like travel! We'd probably have to fight from right here! How could I have possibly not gotten that?

But wait. . . if we had to fight from right here. . . then. . .

"What is wrong with you today, Kagome?!" He roared, snatching a last glance at me. "String your bow! As fast as you can! What have you been-"

But with a sudden explosion from deep inside the thicket, an overwhelming score of demon rushed out of the forest. And straight at us. The color flew from my face as I fumbled desperately for an arrow- but I knew it was all too late as something quite heavy smashed into me. I slapped my eyes shut, praying an eternity of prayers in the second I was airborne- before I was dropped almost gently to the earth near the well. I blinked and shoved myself into a sitting position- just to witness Inuyasha curse under his breath and charge back into the montage. "Just stay there, Kagome!" He threw over his shoulder. I obliged, still shaking. . . but strung an arrow in my bow just for extra protection.

It didn't seem to be necessary, though, as I watched the hanyou from my distance. He launched into battle with a huge leap, sword high over his head, then slammed down onto a serpent-like youkai. Even from the distance, I could hear its last shriek and see its huge dollop of black blood splatter the ground. I winced, but the battle wasn't about to wait for me. With a yell, Inuyasha darted out of a huge, mammalian youkai's way as it charged out of the now-shambled thicket. He was stooped on the ground for a second, then ran to catch it up and teach it a lesson. But something was already on his tail, something large and airborne and way behind his eyeshot. . .

"Inuyasha, look out!" I shrieked as loudly as I could. He whipped around to face me, so oblivious to the danger: not a second too soon, I thrust a pointed finger behind him. He threw himself around just as the youkai barreled forth. With a shout, he ducked as fast as he could- but just as soon as the enormous creature had swooped on, he jumped up and gave chase. Thankfully, though, he realized that this particular youkai was not the only one that was trying to get under his skin: hundreds of others were also teeming around him. Hissing, writhing, yelping, drooling, clawing. . . he jumped back, far onto the field. The youkai tore after him savagely. Inuyasha took a running start to greet them, sword high over his head, then plunged it into the ground with a cry of the wind scar. It was all too effective: as the Kaze no Kizu tore through the earth and exploded into the knot of demons, too many deafening shrieks arose to suggest any survival. Heads, limbs and occasional organs flew from the montage and scattered onto the ground, leaving the battlefield silent and nearly peaceful. Inuyasha surveyed his damage wordlessly, slowly sheathing the Tetsusaiga. I ran onto the field and straight to the hanyou, leaving my now-useless bow by the well.

"That was great, Inuyasha!" I beamed at him, fighting the urge to just throw my arms around him in proper congratulations. He returned the smile sheepishly, just barely glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. "It was nothing new," he muttered. Which just made me grin a little more. For such a big tough guy fighter jerk, he was pretty cute when he was shy.

Kind of short chapter. . . still, unfortunately, no huge cliff-hangers for you. But many to come. The chapters shall be like this throughout; some Kagome, some her mother. . . I'm not going to pretend to be consistent about it. As long as it's not confusing, that is.

Anyways, I didn't intend to take that long for an update. . . but the next one will be up much sooner! Many thanks to those who have reviewed- may I remind you that reviews compel me to write?


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